...you learn something new...

every day, right?

Well, lately that has been true for me. And what I've been learning isn't necessarily things everyone can learn...because I've been learning things about me! I accepted Christ into my life when I was twelve. I remember clearly asking him to come into my heart & to cleanse me of my sins & to forgive me & to please be a part of my life forever. However, it's been so interesting that I've learned more about myself since I began homeschooling this year...and since I've started working with teen girls in our youth group.

I've always known I was impatient. I mean, really really impatient. I want things to be done my way...and now, darn it!!! When you begin homeschooling things just don't go as you plan, however. At least, not for me. I had this school year dreamed-up in my mind to be this fantastic voyage of learning with my kids. And it has been...to some extent. But there are days when I feel like literally smashing a hammer on the table & yelling, "WHAT don't you get?!!" Ugh...my impatience brings out the ugliness in me for sure. So one of my main pray-every-single-moment-prayers this year has been for patience. I'd love to say that after doing this for 6 months I have it down, & I am a peaceful, calm, homeschooling mama. Unfortunately for all of us living in this house, I'm not. Some things just don't change quickly, I guess. So, I'm asking all of you who read...please pray with me that I would be patient with myself, with my children, with my husband, with others. Yes, I know what I'm asking for...I want it.

Another thing I'm learning about myself, though, is that I am overflowing with compassion (a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering)! Yes, this surprises me. Never before have I felt others' pain like I do now. And what I'm realizing is that what God has allowed me to endure & experience in my short life of 30+ years has also started molding me into someone who can take others' burdens on & literally feel their pain. While this is hard at times, I have to say I truly love this gift God has given me. I don't always have the right words to say, but I can pray in ways I could not; I can love in ways in I could not; I can laugh in ways I could not; I can write in ways I could not; I can listen in ways I could not. Some of the girls in our youth group have deep pain. Life has happened too fast for them, they feel unaccepted, they feel ugly, they feel stupid, they don't feel good enough. I have been so blessed to be a part of their lives!! I can't even begin to tell you how special each one of these girls are. They have unique personalities which make each one of them so amazing. They are beautiful inside & out...truly! I love how they are searching for answers to questions some of us are afraid to ask. I love that, in spite of their insecurities, they want to change our world! I believe they can...and they will...and they ARE.

In one of my previous posts I mentioned a common theme that was being woven into my life...and that continues to be true. The theme is learning how to be wholly devoted to Christ. I read something this morning in my devotions: "Obedience isn't obedience unless it is total. Do we also think we can serve God and get our own way? Little compromises, an ounce of pride, a smidgen of selfishness and soon we are thinking that a sacrifice in one area will make up for a lack of "total" obedience in another area." So back to my paragraph on my impatience...I want to give that to Him!! I can't stand myself some days, so I know those around me must not be able to either! Impatience is a form of selfishness...and as compassionate as I can be, I need to rid myself of the selfishness before I can be fully used.

Hebrews 10:22-25 "So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching."

...shameless plug for something TRULY worth your while...

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Company Profile
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...The Motions...

I have been going through such a funk lately.  I hate these times...I really do.  But it's usually through times like these that, if I rely heavily on God's Word through them, I come out of them much better than before.  This week, I have two things I wanted to share...and neither of them I can take credit for.  One is the song "The Motions" by Matthew West. (You have to scroll down to my music player at the bottom & turn the sound off before you can watch the video.)  The second is a devotional I subscribe to in my email, & this morning's could not have fit better the things that have been on my heart!  So enjoy...

The lyrics are as follows:

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets 
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

A Divine Love Note 18 Mar 2009 Karen Ehman "He said to him the third time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, 'Do you love me?' and he said to him, 'Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.'" John 21:17 (ESV) Long before the current craze of texting messages back and forth on cell phones, in my junior high we had our own way of communicating with peers: it was called passing notes. When the teacher wasn't looking, we shot a simple, folded piece of lined notebook paper to our friend sitting a few rows back. We crossed our fingers and hoped the teacher's second set of eyes—the ones in the back of her head—were focused elsewhere. Otherwise, our note just might get read to the entire class! While notes from our girlfriends were fun, what really got our excitement up was when the folded and scribbled message was from a boy. Usually it read something like this: Do you like me? Check one: Yes ___ No ___ Just as a friend ___ Of course we would think long and hard before taking our pencil and marking our answer. Then it was passing time again; back to the boy who had posed the all-important question. It seems to me in today's scripture Jesus was sending a divine love note to Peter, quizzing him about the strength of his love for Him. We pick up the story a few verses earlier when after breakfast, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" Peter seems a bit surprised and says, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." Jesus then tells him to feed His lambs. No sooner had he finished talking than He asks Peter the same question again. Then, a third time. Each time it appears as if dear Peter answers the same way. In a nutshell, "Ah…yeah Lord. You know everything. You know I love you. Haven't I made that clear? Why the twenty questions?" This passage of scripture used to puzzle me, until one day I discovered, with the help of my husband's old Greek textbook from college, that Peter and Jesus were using two different Greek words for love in this famous exchange. The word rendered 'love' in our English Bibles here is really two distinct words. One is "phileo" and one is "agape." Phileo is defined as brotherly and tender affection; true friendship. It is based on common interests. Agape, on the other hand, is sacrificial and giving love; a love that can't stand being apart from the other. It isn't based on having a common interest with someone. It loves the other not for what they do, but for who they are. It is the laying down your life for another kind of love. It is helpful to know that the first two times Jesus posed the question to Peter, He asked him "Do you agape me?" Peter answered, "Of course I phileo you!" It was as if Jesus was asking, "…so you really, sacrificially love me, based on Who I am? And you'd gladly lay down your life for me?" And instead, Peter was checking the box that said "Just as a friend!" The third time Jesus posed the question, He asked Peter, "Do you phileo me?" And Peter truthfully answered "yes." Now, before we are too hard on ole' Simon Peter, we must assume that He indeed did grow to love our Lord in the agape sense of the word. History tells us that Peter met his death by crucifixion. However, he did not feel worthy to be crucified in the same manner as the Lord, so he was crucified upside down! What about us today, in 2009? If Jesus passed us a divine love note asking if we love (agape) Him, which box would we check? Undoubtedly, many people today would scoff and check the "No" box. There are millions who care nothing of Christ and His love. Others would check "Yes." They ar e fervent Christ followers who love until the end. I am reminded of many modern day martyrs who have willingly given up their life for Christ. I fear that many of us would check the "Just as a friend" box. We love, but just to a point. We aren't afraid to hang around Jesus, we just don't want to be asked to share in His sufferings! Oh may God turn our temporal phileo fascination with Jesus into an all-out, agape, laying-down-our-life, love for the Lord. Pencils sharpened? He is asking us this question today! Dear Lord, I don't want to be just Your casual friend. I want to love You sacrificially and passionately. Help me learn how. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

...let my words be few...

Oh goodness. Life has just been so busy lately...I have found it difficult to have a moment where I can just sit & write without getting interrupted. We've had visits from out-of-town guests, Rick's birthday, a youth leader's conference, & just the normal, everyday life happenings to keep me from my blog!

The past two days I had the opportunity to go to an incredible (free) conference in Orlando. Youth Pastor's Summit is geared to all Youth Pastors and Key Youth Leaders (staff or volunteers). It is also open to Christian educators. The first day was held at Hard Rock Cafe Orlando, & we had free access to Islands of Adventure & Universal Studios after the conference was done that day. The second day was held at First Baptist Church of Orlando. Some of the speakers included David Nasser, Francis Chan, Darren Whitehead, Melody Carlson, etc.

My mind is so full from all I took in the last two days. Putting thoughts down on paper seems like a daunting task. I did want to write a few things though. A recurring theme that kept repeating itself in my head during this conference was love. Sounds so typical or even over-used, but really, I was hit full in the face with the reality of God's love for me, for our students, for my family, for my friends, for this world.

We build huge American churches, we write books about mundane things, we give talks & more talks & more talks, we sit in our comfortable homes or coffee shops & work on....well, what?!...another website, another paper, another list of things-to-do. Our culture is one of go-go-go...no slowing down, no stopping, no quiet, no simplicity. We crave complication...even if we say we don't, our lives seem so boring when no drama is present, don't they?! We crave the right here, right now...the fast-paced, microwavable dinner world. Life must never slow down...if it's too quiet, it gets uncomfortable.

Yet...

GOD is love.

God IS love.

God is LOVE.

What does that mean for me? I desperately want to see things through God's eyes. I want my heart to break for people I never saw before because I was too busy, too scared, too tired, too intimidated. I want to break free from my pride & my self-absorbtion. I want to really be God's hands & feet! I want to be one who gives without restraint. I want to know God and His love so well that I can't help but spread it around.

I'm convicted to begin in my own home...with Rick, Aidan, & Kya. If I can't be love to them, then what does my life matter? The days when Aidan has pushed me to my limit...I want prayer to be my response. The days when Kya's room is yet another disaster area...I want patience to be my response. The days I feel like I don't want to serve anyone...may service be my response. The days I want to rant & rave because something turned out differently than what I expected...may my words be few!!

Ugh, hey?! I sure wish looking like Christ was easier...but then what would it mean to daily take up my cross & follow Him if it was easy?! I still feel like such a baby believer when I think of where I need to go. God help me to be love.

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth,
So I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.

And I'll stand in awe of You,
Yes I'll stand in awe of You,
And I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.

The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You,
So I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.
~Matt Redman

January 29, 1999

My oldest is gonna be ten tomorrow. TEN! Call me a sappy mama, but I am getting teary-eyed thinking about it. Seems like 10 years flew by...yet so much has happened in his short little life. I am so proud of my son for he has come miles in the last year.

You have the most beautiful smile this mama has ever seen.
Your eyes shine when you get excited, & you love to dream.
Your laughter brings joy to everyone around;
You have the heart of one so profound.
Aidan, you look like your daddy...
He would be so very proud.
Don't ever forget--live God out loud!
As you grow into a young man,
Know we are here to lend you our hands.
We love you so much, your dad Rick & me...
Keep that in your heart until eternity.

...music speaks to the deepst parts of the soul...

"It’s such an extraordinary thing, music. It is how we speak to God finally – or how we don’t. Even if we’re ignoring God. It’s the language of the spirit. If you believe that we contain within our skin and bones a spirit that might last longer than your time breathing in and out – if there is a spirit, music is the thing that wakes it up. And it certainly woke up mine. And it seems to be how we communicate on another level."
Bono

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness”
Maya Angelou

"My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary."
Martin Luther

I just wanted to share a few quotes that I feel depict music well. Music has always been such a huge part of my life, & even though I don't sing publicly now, I still sing my heart out to God at home, in the car, at church...wherever there's music. I remember being little & singing with my family during family devotional time. I remember singing as my sister would play the piano...we'd belt out all sorts of hymns & fun songs. I remember singing in church...sometimes with my brothers & sister, sometimes with friends. I remember competing in high school in quartets & duets. I remember singing in my high school choir--I loved the sounds of our voices blending together. I remember singing in my church choir...being involved in everything from small choirs to a big production they called "Glory of Christmas". I remember making CDs for Ed when he was sick in the hospital. I remember singing at his memorial service...arms outstretched to heaven...it was the only way I felt close to him...because I knew he was with our God. I remember songs Rick & I would send back & forth to each other while we were dating...how we could relate to lyrics & notes in ways regular speech just didn't suffice. I remember songs I sang to the kids as babies...they'll still ask me to sing to them at night every once in a while.

Music is an amazing tool...I can listen to music & feel a whole myriad of emotions. But, I can honestly say whenever I listen to praise & worship music, I feel whole...I feel complete again. Nothing fills my soul like good music that brings me back to the cross. I can only imagine how incredible music will be in heaven...it will be so much more amazing there than we can even create in our finite minds. I can't even think of it!! It boggles my mind. God loves us so much...to let us worship Him...and to accept the songs we bring to Him.

One of my favorite songs for a while now has been Kari Jobe's "Revelation Song"...go listen to it on my player below...and WORSHIP HIM!!

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You!!!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery

...soak your feet in the water of God's Word...

You know when your body is just bone-tired?  When you feel like you have been going non-stop for weeks on end, & you just can't seem to get a break?  When, even though we all just had holiday vacation, it felt more stressful than relaxing?  Those are the days we like to come home and soak our feet or even our entire bodies in our tubs, our showers...just get in & let the water soothe away those tired & achy muscles.  

Well, I have been challenged to do this spiritually...to take the time to soak my feet in God's Word.  To allow the things I glean from God to soothe away my complaints, my worries, my uglies, my downer moments...and to allow God back in to my every day life.

Since we moved to Florida, I haven't allowed myself to really get involved in much because homeschooling takes up so much of my time.  A few weeks ago, one of my friends asked if I'd be interested in going to a Bible study...just a few women getting together to study God's word & grow closer to each other & Him.  Honestly, I didn't even think about it a whole lot...I just knew I wanted to go.  We met this morning for the first time. The study we're doing is called "Stepping Up...a journey through the Psalms of Ascent" by Beth Moore.  I've done several of her studies before, so I knew I'd probably enjoy it (not to mention LEARN from it).

We just watched the introduction today, but I can't even begin to express how much I'm yearning (almost begging) for this!  I am so thrilled to be invited in.  The ladies are all ones I can learn so much from, but besides the needed fellowship, I get to do this incredible study.  I have wanted for so long to get beyond the "down" areas in my life...to know how to "step up" from where I have plopped myself down.  I've gotten so comfortable where I am...yes, even with my uglies...that I haven't felt like I've grown in a long while.  I have not pushed myself spiritually...I have not been in God's Word daily...I have not been striving to live my every moment as if I truly love God.  

Today, I was reminded that we are only passing through...this life is but a flash in light of eternity.  "We aint staying here!"  Praise GOD for that!  Praise Him that this earth is not all we have to look forward to.  Praise Him that we have Zion to journey towards.  How can we not be hopeful when we cling to that?!

During these 6 weeks of study, we are strongly encouraged to get face down..flat out on our face...before we begin each day's work.  Something about being in that position is so very vulnerable...so honest.  But when I heard that challenge, my emotional side came out, & I found myself anticipating what these times of submission to my Father will bring to me.  I cannot wait...I am thirsty for more.

Welcomed in to the courts of the King

I've been ushered in to Your presence

Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground

Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall face down

As Your glory shines around

Yes, I'll fall face down

As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?

And upon the earth, who's Your equal?

You are far above, You're the highest of heights

We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around

Let Your glory shine around

King of glory, here be found

King of glory

~~matt redman~~